I just returned from a moving Tisha B'Av service that spoke about not only about the reasons why the Temples were destroyed, but what each one of us can do to make sure it gets rebuilt in the very near future. The point that I kept hearing was that within the destruction lies the rebuilding. This is a mind-boggling idea that states that the seeds of healing already are planted within the tragedy itself. Basically, G-d does not destroy something without first making sure that the remedy for the ailment that caused the destruction to begin with is also provided. The challenge for us is to not only understand the root cause of tragedy, but to believe that the medicine to heal can be found within the sickness itself. This message kept replaying in my head over and over again in my head tonight. The rabbis who spoke touched upon many calamities that have befallen our people, including the destruction of the Temples, the Crusdaes, the Holocaust, and even assimilation. One rabbi said that there is much good that we can do within the imperfections themselves. It takes alot of courage though to constantly attempt to bring good into something that is quite frankly not. Not only does it take courage, it also takes determination and the ability not to absorb all the pain from the imperfections you are dealing with.
The message always comes back to us as individuals and especially on a day such as Tisha B'Av, each of us is required to look into our imperfections and to understand exactly what we can do to heal and make the world a better place through first making ourselves better individuals. I have seen too clearly what the results of personal imperfection are as they have manifested themselves in what I am seeing now as resolveable conflicts that turned into unmanagable situations. I am not writing this to be hard on myself but simply to understand and internalize that often the imperfections I am seeing in others are there because they exist within me. It is easier though to see character flaws in other people than to see them in myself. I wish this was not the case, but the truth this is.
Something that could be of benefit for me would be to make a mental note of five character flaws I see in others and make a note of the exact nature of each of these defects of character when I have access to pen and paper. Afterwards, I could look at each of the things I had written and see how each of the traits that I had noticed in someone else manifests within me. I do not think this would be something easy, but it could be very beneficial. My guess is that I would begin to see common links in the deficincies I noted and I could begin the process of healing usually required to fix these defects within myself. Afterwards, I would make a list of five positive attributes that I recognized in others and then I would repeat the same process I did for my imperfections.
The first part of Tisha B'Av is very mournful and filled with misery as we recount our collective sins that have led us to be entrenched in this seemingly endless spiritual exile. It is also a time for me to look seriously at how my own imperfections have succeeded in causing their share of destruction and calamity along my personal journey. I have hurt others I never intended to hurt and made impulsive decisions which I am finding out are hard to overcome. But as Tisha B'Av progresses, its laws become more relaxed and we are able to slowly return to our normal state of being. This year is an especially good time for me to embrace this process of spiritual rebirth and awakening, as within some of the most heartbreaking moments of the past year are the seeds of healing and forgiveness, both of self and of others.
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